and i’m worried that the anxiety disorder i had about a year ago might be returning. i hope not. i really do.
last night definitely did not go how i intended it. morgan’s friends from her new school came over, most of them at least three or four years older than me, which would have been alright if they hadn’t all come in couples. i had a good time when we played noah and the whale and beirut and the shins together and sang five years’ time and talked, but then we took a walk and these three couples were together and it was just… awkward. it was probably the most awkward thing i’ve had to experience yet, because here were these couples, including five people i didn’t know, and then there was me. i was silent for enough time that when i finally spoke again i had to clear my throat. i mean, they were all nice people who had good taste in music and a good sense of humor and i don’t think they minded me or anything, but they just didn’t know me and i didn’t know them and the oldest of them was 21 and i don’t think they had any idea that i have 10 months to go until i even turn 16.
so i texted my mom asking her to come pick me up and take me to jessie’s and she didn’t respond for an hour. when she finally came, it was too late to go to the other party and on the drive home she told me that i had $300 to pay on my cell phone bill. (this morning, my father told her that she had read wrong; it was actually only $30, but i was temporarily freaked out.)
and now i’m feeling very insecure and honestly, i’d like to cry. oh, life.
